B.T.M 방탄모

B.T.M (Bang Tan Mo, 방탄모, bulletproof helmet), a project I am currently undertaking, is a collection of ceramic helmets. As objects made to protect but made of breakable yet durable material, my helmets speak to the vulnerability of individuals within an organization such as a military. This contrast in the character of clay and the protective form creates a space for dialogue and reflects the people who wear the helmets.

I was 11 years old when my mother, my siblings, and I immigrated to New Zealand. While I was growing up and trying to rise to the challenges of life as an immigrant, I also had to answer to the expectations of my father, who was still living in Korea and supporting my family financially. When I reached the legal age of compulsory Korean military conscription, I received a draft notice from Korea and along with it the demand from my father, my benefactor, that I would comply. I chose to serve my 2 years in the military to maintain my Korean citizenship. Although it was a time of growth, by the end of my military service I understood what it was to have my fundamental character as a gay man routinely denounced.

My research for B.T.M noted reports of the Korean military and the New Zealand Defence Force’s mistreatment of sexual minorities and women personnel. The Korean military, supported by its law which states that ‘homosexual acts and other degrading behaviors’ are punishable with prison-time and a dishonorable discharge, has systematically weeded out gay servicemen by means of deception and interrogation, making it impossible for them to live normal lives in the culturally conservative climate of Korea. This law kept me closeted and led me to live in a state of constant alert. It was a traumatic experience, one I am still processing. I also gathered material on the New Zealand Defence Force’s own dangerous culture of silence around the mistreatment and abuse of minority members.

Symbols and patterns are purposefully playful. It is a part of my effort to reclaim my narrative by telling my stories on my terms, how I would like them to be told.